


Talk me down

by Phantasticpheels (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gay, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 00:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9212087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Phantasticpheels
Summary: He smiled as he saw how broken Phil looked.Dan could've not resented ,no, despised almost hated Phil more.After all, there was a thin line between love and hate. It was hard to differentiate by now, after all these years...As for Phil?Well he had never loved Dan in the first place.Never even knew he had even existed.(or when Dan realizes that hurting someone is hard when you love them more then you hate them.)





	1. Chapter 1

Phil's P.O.V.

 

My head was spinning.

It was not a good combination.

Excessive alcohol and immense grief.

I sighed rubbing at the same aching spot on my plaid covered chest and tried to balance myself on a wall that was conveniently nearby. I felt empty and full at the same time. I had vomited twice on the way from my flat and I still felt the bile on my tongue.

My eyes burnt and i knew they must look bloodshot, but I hadn't been crying.

It was just the result of being drunk and sleep deprived. My tears had dried ages ago, leaving behind only fear, regret and sadness.

Sometimes I wished I would cry again. Get tired from sobbing and collapse into a dreamless state of unconsciousness like I used to.

It was much easier then live a walking nightmare both in my sleep and in my wakefulness. 

I coughed a little, the cold biting my spine as my breath made a thin mist around me.

I had run out again only in my paper thin button-up shirt and pajamas on a December night.

Christmas was near and I could see it all around me.

In the decoration, In the shops, On the pavement. In the smiles of the young couples that passed me and the skipping children who were dressed in a thousand layers for winter.

Everything screamed merriment but I had no inclination towards it.  
I just felt like sleeping.  
Preferably forever.

I knew I would lose consciousness soon so I started my journey back home. Limping, i breathed heavily, trying to keep my eyes open and my body moving. I failed. As my vision blurred and knees bucked making me slide down onto the sidewalk.

I huffed, pushing myself back up as I felt the goosebumps on my skin, it was wet with the melting snow that caked it.   
I walked slow, I had no where to feel at home again anyway.

 

' Phil!'

His cheerful voice rang in my ears as I unlocked the front door to my flat.

It used to be our flat.

I couldn't just push these thoughts away. 

My memories were strong enough to make me hallucinate. To make me think that he would be in front of me when I open the door. 

That he would pounce on me without warning, his tiny frame melting onto my albeit larger one as we kissed before a second breath.

How he would drag me inside for yet another surprise dinner, which would actually be no surprise at all because he did it daily without fail, despite my protests.

How I would be lost in his smile, his glittering eyes as he excitedly recounted all the events of the day.

How he could convert every detail of his boring office job into something hilarious. 

We would race each other to the shower but end up in a bubble bath for two.

We would passionately make love on some nights yet cuddle till the morning on others.

Whatever we did we did together because that was how we felt complete.

I felt my eyes strain.

Now I would never feel complete again.

My fingers traced the outline of his face. The photograph had been taken on our wedding day.

We were both 21.

21, drunk and in a bleary office room signing official papers.

Yet it had been the best day of our lives.

Of course everyone had been against us. Not because we were of the same gender but because they thought we were too young to make such big commitments.

To us it never felt like making a commitment.

It was bound to happen sooner or later so why delay it?

After all we had confessed our love to each other when we were just 9 years old. Although we never truly realized its magnitude till our teens. 

We were an unconventional couple. We had married unconventionally and had lived in the same way.

But we had conventional dreams.

A small house, a beautiful child and a long vacation when we got old.

But we never got to any of that.

' Phil, promise me you won't let yourself go. That you'll find someone again. Who deserves you. Who will love you. Promise me Phil.'

He smiled brightly but I could see the tears in his eyes. The slight tremble in his lips as he spoke. The steady shaking of his skeletal body.

Kneeling in front of the wheel chair, I had cried for ages as he ran his thin long fingers gently through my hair.

Trying to soothe me.

It should have been the opposite way around but he had always been the stronger one.

' Phil promise me.'

His voice started firm but I could feel it break at the end.

'No!'

I had sobbed into his chest.

'Phil please. I love you. I know you love me. You always will ....but please don't do something stupid. Live for me. Do all the things I couldn't do and let other people in.Life is precious. Life is to be appreciated. Don't waste this gift you have.'

He said as he held my head tightly, cradling it to his chest.

' I'll never forgive you Phil. I won't forgive you unless you meet me in the after life with someone who loves you even more then i can in your arms and I get to make out with both of you!, with consent of course!'

He chuckled wetly.

' Oh and I wont agree to a threesome unless they're hot.'

He said as he laughed between the tears hugging my sobbing form close to him.

He had used every blackmail tactic he could to make me promise him a future for myself. A full life as long as I had the chance.

I had been shocked and angry. How could he say all that.  
How could he joke about him dying? Telling me to find someone else?!

How could he be selfish enough to make me continue like this!

If it hadn't been for that promise I would've been gone a long time ago, I could've been with him sooner.

Living was a torture.

Empty, bitter, cold

It was difficult to even breath now. The air felt thick and heavy to swallow making me choke on every inhale.

I collapsed onto the couch having no energy left in me.

My life had routine now.

Work, Alcohol and sleep.

I never could bring myself to visit his grave though.

It felt so wrong.

I was used to seeing his image as a bubbly person full of warmth and life even to the moment he died. Now how could I stand in front of a cold grey stone grave imagining a personality as bright as the sun under it.

It was an abuse to my soul.

I whimpered quietly tugging the fabric that clung to my chest as familiar aches ran through it.

I closed my eyes slowly as the sharp hurt seeped through my blood and pulsed in my wrists. My whole body ached. The loneliness manifested into a physical torture.  
Bodily pain.

His absence, this bitter reality, was poisoning me slowly but never letting me die and claim peace.

I imagined burying my head in his curls, inhaling deeply but instead of his strawberry scented shampoo all that i could smell was the staleness of the couch.

They were all just memories now. A past I would give anything to relive.

His soft porcelain white skin, his impish grin, how he bit his lip when he was nervous, how he hugged me from behind when he felt sad. 

He was beautiful.

He was clumsy yes, downright obnoxious when it came to being competitive and squealed like a pig when I tickled him but what others called flaws I only saw as the tiny pieces of him that made him who he was and he was perfect.

was...

The word rang in my head as i clasped it. Throbbing deep into my nerves...

My body was exhausted as I felt my self shut down.

The last thing I saw was his bright smile as I hoped to never wake up again.

..........................................

Dan's P.O.V. 

I smirked as he leaned closer, his hot breath on my ear.  
Arms wrapping tight around my torso.

' Fuck me.'  
He gasped out as I nibbled behind his ear leaving a hickey.

'Say the magic word bitch.'  
I grinned licking his skin and pushing my tongue on the purple bruise that was forming below.  
' please. '  
He begged and thrust up to my knee that was between his legs, directly on his hardened crotch.

I pressed on it harder, spreading his thighs open wider as he moaned whoreishly.

' hmmmm...'  
I considered watching him shudder as I ran my hand down his spine to his ass, groping his cheek hard and pulling him closer to me.  
' let me think about it.'

I whispered as I kissed down his jaw and turned us, throwing him up against the wall.

' Should I just rip that sweet ass of yours right here? Where everyone can see? Do you like putting on a show slut? '

I heard him moan softly as he leaned back pulling me forward.

' Oh hell! I don't care, just bloody do it already!'

He groaned thrusting his hips forward.

Well, I was about to get laid tonight.  
I smirked as the flamboyant guy in booty shorts, whose name I didn't know begged, whining as he muttered obscenities at my teasing stance.

' Hey! break it up you guys!'

I heard PJ shout from behind us.

Goddammit.

' This is my bar, not a freaky sex club or something!'

I t'sked.

'Way to be a cock block dude.'

I scoffed pulling back as the random guy I almost scored clung to my arm glaring daggers at my best friend.

' Look Dan, I've been your friend for a long time but this does not mean that i'm comfortable with seeing you and your ding-dong in the act especially not in the place iv'e worked so hard to build. Don't scare away my customers.'

I sat plopped down on the couch my hands behind my head.

' Oh come on Peej! You know they enjoy it!, and besides iv'e gotten you most of your regulars.'

I grinned at him as he sighed.

' This wasn't supposed to turn into a gay bar.'

He groaned covering his face.

I laughed.

' Oh don't look so down Peej. I'm sure you'll eventually find a girl who wants her boyfriend to own the biggest gay spot in town.'

He stuck his tongue out at me.

PJ was mostly adorable,witty and creative with a kind heart.

I'm sure he'll get a date in no time, with a guy that is...too bad he prefers veejays.

I shuddered.

Suddenly, i remembered my one night stand to be as I felt Mr. Who-knows-whats-his-name-is smile smugly  
He had been making himself comfortable in my lap, doing lord knows what to my neck.

I was about to comment on his dog-like licking skills when I detected someone in the corner of the bar.  
A tall pale silhouette, an unfamiliar haunch in his back, a rather familiar sense of dressing.

' Peej?'  
Pj turned away from the third man he had been trying to reject today and raised a brow at me.

'What?'

'Who is that?'

I whispered as I felt my throat tighten.

No, it couldn't be....

He looked in my direction to see the tall shadowy presence in the corner, cleaning the used glasses with an unapproachable and dark atmosphere surrounding him.

'Oh, that poor guy? Well hes a friend i'm helping out. His life basically shattered in the last four years.' He sighed.' It was bad enough as it was, but he got fired from his job too so I offered him a place here till he got back on his feet.' He shook his head.' Its like seeing a dead puppy.'

I bit my bottom lip as it trembled lightly pushing the twink away who threw his hands up and left after giving me a finger and a glare as he was ignored.  
'W..whats...whats his name?'

I asked Jeremy who looked confused at my sudden change of mood.

I paid him no mind as I silently begged my fates to not turn on me again.

please,please,please.

Not now.

Not when I was finally moving on.

'Phil.'

No.

I felt the blood drain from my body.

' Are you okay man?'  
Pj put his hand on my shoulder.

' Do you know him?'

I felt my eyes burn.

I more than knew him.

I had loved him.

I had my first wet dream about him.

I had spent my middle school days wishing on every power there was to be with him.

Why was he here?

Why now?

Why wasn't I over him already?

Why was my heart still beating the same way as it did all those years ago.

Suddenly, it all stopped.

The emotional breakdown I was having. The endless commotion. PJ's train of questions.

It felt like the whole world did.

He had looked up.

Straight in our direction.

His pale blue eyes held no recognition.  
They held no life.

He was a living corpse.  
As fucked up now as he was fucking beautiful.

 

And after all these years of heart break, It was satisfying to see him broken.

I felt my lips turn up, a familiar unpleasant rift in my heart.

He looked away.

I was still smiling.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil meets a brown-eyed stranger. 
> 
> WARNING; self depreciation and negative thoughts mostly regarding self image. Mentions of anxiety and depression. I'm sorry if i missed any, there are going to be a lot of triggers for this story.

Phil's P.OV.

I breathed in deeply, my hand placed on the counter top with as much force as i could muster, barely holding myself. The world seemed to be spinning and it wasn't because of my alcohol withdrawal as much as I could tell. As soon as Pj offered me a job, he had asked me to stop drinking.  
I was trying. I owed him that much.   
He had given me a room to stay and food after I had been evicted from my apartment.  
I straightened up, a rag clenched in my fist as I steadied myself but I had only started cleaning another glass when i had to sit down quickly as my vision became spotty.

'Hey Phil, hows it going?'  
I was startled by the sudden presence beside me but relaxed when I saw it was only PJ smiling at me in a friendly manner. His green eyes laced in barely concealed concern.

I settled for a small smile and a nod. My gesture only made him frown as he easily detected how forced it seemed to be.  
' Are you sure mate? I don't think you look so good.' He asked.

I raised a brow at which he rubbed his head embarrassed. When had i looked good in the past two years? Pale as death, thinner then a human should be and an easy example of clinical depression. I looked disgusting.  
He sighed. 'Ok, stupid question, I'm sorry. Just don't push yourself. I only gave you this job because you were too adamant about not being a free loader and bullshit like that. Give that a break and rest as much as you like, I'm your friend Phil and I don't want you to collapse like you did before anytime soon. Take care of yourself.'

He said softly, patting my back lightly and I nodded in appreciation of his care. He had been the only person to stick around after everything went to hell. I guess bad times help you discern between real and fake friends.  
I blushed in embarrassment as he reminded me of the day he went to my apartment only to find it locked and me passed out in the alleyway. With only a suitcase and the clothes on my body to my name.   
He had dragged me back with him and despite his own small living space spared a room for me that was previously a large storage at the back of the bar. He set up proper heating and bedding in it and still apologized for it being small. Not only that, he bought my share of food with his own at every meal and that was when I put my foot down.  
Despite all my failures i refused to burden someone else, I had begged him to help him around until I got.....um...stable enough.. to find a proper job again.

He had agreed pouting after a long debate. He was a very kind person.

I shook my head and looked up at him.  
'Peej, I..'   
I rasped out, my voice quiet and low from the lack of use. It hurt a bit to actually speak.   
' I can't thank you enough for what your doing for me, I'm applying for jobs everyday and as soon as I get hired I promise i'll get out of your hair.'

 

Pj's eyes widened as he scowled.  
'I'm offended you think of it that way. Your here because i care about you and in no way are you a burden.Do you understand?'  
He asked not taking no for an answer and I had to nod along.   
'Your going to stay with me until you heal completely emotionally and physically and i'm not hearing another word of it.'

He wagged his finger and turned his head as he heard a customer call for him.  
'Now rest if you aren't feeling well, don't push yourself, you idiot!'

He called out as he went to tend to a rather beefy mocha skinned individual who was visibly flirting with him.I felt the corner of my lip tug up slightly and I shook my head fondly. Pj was very popular because of his unique personality and good looks but he wasn't interested in men.  
Owning a a presumed gay bar, he broke many hearts.

I picked up the rag to clean another glass when, suddenly, I felt my knees buck and I almost collapsed but caught myself on the counter. Swiftly looking around I thanked my luck that no one had caught me mid fall. Maybe PJ was right, I should really take a break before I make a fool out of myself and cause more trouble for everyone.

I silently slipped to the back at the smoking area in the balcony and sat down in one of the empty red plastic chairs overseeing the city lights below, twinkling in the night sky. My hands covered my face as I breathed deep into my palms feeling a shiver wrack over me. I felt dizzy and nauseous. It didn't feel like withdrawal induced anxiety or jitters.  
I exhaled looking up as my breath formed a trail of mist in the cold air.

It was a very peaceful and quiet night.

'Hi.'

I jumped a bit, startled, as a man spoke to me seemingly out of nowhere.  
His brown eyes met my glance for a second and I recognized him as a regular at the bar, someone I had seen a lot with PJ (maybe his friend or something?) but never paid much mind to. I had always been too preoccupied by my own thoughts.

I hadn't noticed him standing by me either. He must've come just now.

'Hi.'  
I mumbled back, biting my lip as i felt anxiety crawl under my skin.   
Ever since he had....he had died... I had become a shut in, along with other pathetic things, and it was now a part of my nature to shy away from interacting with people. PJ was the only one who could get a proper sentence out of me as I had yet to adjust back into functioning society.  
It was one of the many reasons I had gotten fired from my previous job.

I heard the click of a lighter and peeked at him from under my fringe. The tall curly haired brunette wasn't even looking at me. He staring deep into the night, tongue playing with his silver lip ring non discreetly as he lit his cigarette and took a rather long drag.  
I diverted my attention to the lights shimmering in front of me as well, as I tried to calm my shaking hands. I was angry at myself.  
A guy who wasn't even acknowledging my presence more then a brief greeting was intimidating me.Well either that or it was my withdrawal anxiety climbing back up. Either way, it wasn't any good.

I should try to talk a bit, if not for me then PJ who was stuck with me because I wasn't mature enough to deal with my problems like an adult.

'So, um..long day?'  
I cringed at how awkward I sounded and how small my voice came out to be.Craning my neck up to see him had made spots dance in front of my vision for a moment but i blinked them away.

He glanced at me, with a smirk, leaning against the wall. His lips opened slightly as he blew out a cloud of grey smoke. It twirled into a twisting pattern and faded into the dark.

'As long as any. What about you?'

I shrugged then mentally smacked myself. I had to hold at least a minute of proper conversation.  
' I um...it was okay. I clean at the bar here.'

I answered playing with my fingers as I tried to hold his gaze.

'I know.'  
He smiled at me warmly and I blushed looking down. How does one reply to that? I squirmed uncomfortably. His stare was a bit intense. I didn't know why.

He sat down on the chair beside me and threw down his cigarette, putting it out with his black leather boot. He was dressed in black from head to toe.

A long silence hung between us as I slowly relaxed, momentarily forgetting his presence.  
Humming softly i enjoyed the cool air soothed my burning skin. That was strange. It was very cold out tonight and despite my flimsy attire I felt like i was on fire. My forehead throbbing with a dull ache.

'Would you like to join me for a drink? my treat.'  
I glanced at him as he asked, trying to stay awake, everything hazy from how disoriented I felt.

'Okay?'  
I questioned myself more then him but he didn't seem to pick up on it. 

Soon enough i found myself following him back inside as he ordered drinks.Pj was no where to be seen.  
oh shit.  
I had promised Pj I wouldn't drink! I couldn't betray his trust like that.

'Wait-'  
I called out to him to stop when the room tilted.

With all my surroundings spinning the last thing i felt was two arms reach for me.

Then everything went black.  
I was in the middle of

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giving it a go along with my other story :) updates short unpredictable and slow but assured.(#uniproblems)

**Author's Note:**

> This was an old story i once wrote with a friend (like we were listening to 'talk me down' by Troye and i got an idea for a story and we made up sentences and stuff lol and as back then i had no online account to post stuff i told him to have it but unfortunately acc. to him he had zero response over it and got disappointed ) and he wanted me to have it back (he deleted it from his own site and stuff) ....  
> I edited alot of it and charachter names.  
> well i hope at least some of you like it, i've changed it into a Phan story although one character was already called Daniel. XD  
> We had only written this much before so i'll write the other parts alone from there on :''( (and hes very busy too and kinda hasn't talked to me in a while...:0 )


End file.
